The Wrong Stuff by John Strausbaugh
Ok. An admission, I have a soft spot for all things space. Always have. Always will. And a highlight of my career was working at the European Space Agency, and at least tangentially working with space stuff, and space people, and just doing space things. So when I saw this recommended I looked forward to seeing how the Soviet space program ran.
And oh boy, is this a brilliant book. Even if you don’t do ‘space’ you should read this for the people in here, and how they coped with horrendous conditions and outcomes.
To get an idea of how good this book is, check out the mark ups:
Page after page is just chock full of really, they did what moments. A random example:
‘Displaying his innate showmanship again, Korolev had cleverly covered it [the R7 second stage that launched Sputnik] it in a shiny surface and buffed it to a mirror finish so that it would gleam in the sun. It could be seen through binoculars, or without them if your eye was very sharp.’1
But lets press launch get into the guts of the review.
Flyability.
258 pages all up. It races along. The writing is awesome and smooth, this is something you can knock off in a couple of short haul flights, or if like me you love getting to the airport hours early and sitting in the lounge, it could be one return trip.
Ah ha moments.
As you can see from the mark ups picture above, the whole book has ah ha moments. Lets just grab a few to give you an idea of why you must go buy this book now.
First off this isn’t just about the Soviet space program, it is a fascinating commentary on how the Soviet system itself was functioning:
‘Something else the Soviets were happy to hide was how fantastically dysfunctional they were. The truth was that if anyone was good at making Communism work, it wasn’t the Soviets.’2
or:
‘Keeping the masses plastered on state-produced vodka both filled the government coffers and helped keep the masses docile, befuddled, and too monstrously hungover most times even to think about revolting.’3
or:
‘By the time the German Army poured into Ukraine in 1941, Khrushchev had imprisoned or deported some 750,000 Ukrainians, and at least 300,000 had died. It was so bad in Khrushchev’s Ukraine that some Jews who had fled the Nazis in Poland asked to be sent back to Poland.’4
or this cracker:
‘A Soviet worker puts his rubles down for a car and is told to come back to pick it up in ten years. He says “Morning or Afternoon?” The guy behind the counter says, “What difference will that make?”. The worker replies, “The plumber is coming in the morning.”5
And on it goes for commentary.
But I think the most succinct example of how the whole Soviet space program was run is this gem:
‘Korolev’s rockets used a highly volatile cryogenic mixture of liquid oxygen and kerosene for fuel. The pipes that fed the supercooled liquid oxygen to the rockets’ tanks frequently sprung leaks. The fuel was so touchy that once fuelling had begun, turning off the supply to seal a leak could lead to a disastrous explosion. Voskresensky would walk over to the leak, wrap his jaunty red beret around it, unzip his trousers, take out his penis, and piss on the beret. “The minus 297-degree liquid would freeze the urine on contact, sealing the leak.”’6
and just to show that wasn’t the only example, there are many more, there is this scary as all hell example of how the whole thing was ran:
‘…became a problem when they prepared to disengage and a warning light began to blink. Sounding nearly hysterical at this point Volkov shouted at ground control “The hatch isn’t pressurized! What should we do? What should we do?” Obviously they couldn’t disengage if the hatch wasn’t completely sealed, unless they were in their spacesuits and helmets. They tried various procedures suggested by the techies on the ground. Nothing worked.
Ground control finally advised them to tape a piece of paper over the warning light and proceed…’7
Five stars.
Who is kidding; this is six stars, seven stars, eight stars. Nine maybe. One of the best books I’ve ever read basically. One that is imprinted on my memory till the day it disintegrates with old age.
P. 59.
P. 12.
P. 14
P.19; I’d also say maybe this explains some of the antipathy of the Ukrainian nation to Russia in the current conflict.
P. 31
P. 37
P. 228